Analogies and Metaphors: Students write the darndest things
Every year, English teachers from across the USA can submit their collections of actual analogies and metaphors found in high school essays. These excerpts are published each year to the amusement of teachers across the country. Here are last year's winners.
1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.
2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.
3. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a
guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of
those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country
speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar
eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.
4. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. coli, and he was room-temperature Canadian beef.
5. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.
6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.
7. He was as tall as a six-foot, three-inch tree.
8. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated
because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge
at a formerly surcharge-free ATM machine.
9. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.
10. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.
11. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an
eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city
and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30
12. Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.
13. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.
14. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across
the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having
left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka
at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.
15. They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth.
16. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.
17. He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant, and she was the East River.
18. Even in his last years, Granddad had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.
19. Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.
20. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.
21. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.
22. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either,
but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping on a land
mine or something.
23. The ballerina rose gracefully en Pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.
24. It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools.
25. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.
First Female Dictator Hailed As Step Forward For Women
East Timor has a troubled history, but tonight it is a place of inspiration and progress for women. Thanks to the Onion News Network for this breaking information.
Back in July, 2007, well before she stole the election spotlight, then-Governor Sarah Palin is asked by a Pittsburgh reporter "when will you be running for president?"
Yeah, it's early in the general election, but you're already being bombarded by political ads, and it just seems like every election year they keep getting worse.
Ben Affleck hosts a charity celebrity poker tournament for paralyzed U.S. combat veterans at Coors Field in Denver during the DNC, with celebrity guests such as Sarah Silverman and Seth Meyers.
The 23-year-old Britten won a nationwide contest to cover the DNC for MySpace and MSNBC. He discusses his experiences at the DNC with 850KOA's Paul Ihander.
After McCain aired his "Celeb" ad, Paris Hilton takes offense at being compared to Barack Obama and announces her candidacy for president, beginning with her own energy plan.
I love how the kids are so entranced by the rows and rows of huge teeth that they don't notice the human legs sticking out. I know what I want to do for Halloween this year though. For the average 5-6 year old though, that has to be an earth-shattering sight.
A part-albino Golden Eagle has been found in Southern Colorado and 850KOA has obtained exclusive, copyright photos of the bird just before he was transferred to the Nature and Raptor Center of Pueblo.
The male eagle is thin and is being treated for parasites. The eagle's feathers are in such poor condition that it cannot fly. However, Raptor Center Director Diana Miller believes the rare eagle will recover and will be released in the Hoehne area in about three months.
The eagle was found in the Pinon Canyon area of Southeastern Colorado by Rancher Tony Hass. His wife, Connie, took the photos as they waited for Division of Wildlife District Manager Jeremy Gallegos to capture the eagle and take it to the Raptor Center in Pueblo.
Click here or on the photo above to view a photo gallery of the rare eagle.
See our exclusive photo gallery from the Broncos Cheerleaders' 2009 Calendar photo shoot.
Click here or on the photo above to view the photo gallery.
Buy your 2009 Denver Broncos Cheerleaders Calendar! Shot in beautiful Rivera Maya, Mexico, the calendar will go on sale Saturday, August 16. You can buy your copy at DenverBroncos.com or at the Broncos Team Store at INVESCO Field at Mile High.
Floods and tornadoes ravaged the Midwest recently, leaving a path of destruction in their wake. Below are a series of photos that really hammer home what happened.
Click on the photo to view a photo gallery of the damage caused in the Midwest.
Don't stick your finger in a teething baby's mouth. Something tells me Charlie had a good idea what he was doing, but played the innocent baby nonetheless.
It is usually consisdered impolite to talk politics at the dinner table, but this little guy just can't help himself from announcing who he'll be voting for come November.
Many have been tempted to explode like this, but only this guy actually did it. If you're into living vicariously (or just want to keep your job), let this guy take your rage out for you.
A statement from Detroit Pistons general manager Joe Dumars (as told to Christopher Orr of The New Republic):
I wanted to say a few words about the Michigan Solution. No, not thattravesty of justice. I'm talking about a fair, common-sense resolution of the Eastern Conference Finals.
Some in the media are declaring the series over because the Boston Celtics have won four of the six games played so far. But I don’t understand why, with a series this close and hotly contested, anyone would want to shut it down before we play a seventh game and have all the results in. As anybody who follows the NBA knows, a seven-game series would be good for the league, and the added competition would make the eventual victor, whomever it might be, a stronger opponent against the Los Angeles Lakers in the Finals.
It’s no great surprise that some are trying to push us out of this series. From the beginning, it’s been clear that the media and league elites have been looking for an exciting new face, instead of a team, like ours, that has proven its mettle by making it to the Conference Finals six* years in a row. We saw it in the Western Conference as well, where officials and news outlets made clear they were sick to death of the reigning champion San Antonio Spurs and behaved like cheerleaders for the media-darling Lakers. Heck, they almost managed to persuade fans that a hokey, small-town act like the New Orleans Hornets was a legitimate contender. It is safe to say that this has been the most rigged coverage in modern sports history.
But back to the series in question. Yes, Boston has won four games and Detroit only two. But it's hard to imagine a more arbitrary and undemocratic way to determine this series’s outcome than "games won." It is, after all, a bedrock value of the game of basketball that all points must be counted. But how can that be the case when every point beyond the winning point is ignored? There are literally dozens of layups, jumpers, free throws, and (yes, even) dunks that our opponents want to say don't count for anything at all. We call on the NBA to do the right thing and fully count all of the baskets that were made throughout the course of this series.
Once you abandon the artificial four-games-to-two framework that the media has tried to impose on the series, a very different picture emerges, with the Celtics leading by a mere 549 points to 539. Yes that’s right, the margin between the two teams is less than one percent—a tie, for all intents and purposes. This is probably the closest Conference Finals in NBA history, though I will thank you not to check on that.
How do we determine a winner in a series so historically close? First off, let's look at these so-called "free" throws, which are anything but. Who decides when these are to be awarded? Hard-working working-people like you and me? No, it's the officials, the league bosses, the elites. So no counting the free throws--unless and until (and I sincerely hope you guys are listening) the refs start breaking our way again. (By the way, you guys do know that Celts star Paul Pierce was involved in a stabbing a few years back, right? I only mention it because Phil Jackson is obviously going to bring it up in the Finals.)
If you take out free throws, Boston's ten-point margin in the series is whittled down to a single-digit, all-but-meaningless nine points. But this is still misleading. Let's be honest: We all know that some baskets count for more than others. (Yes, I know I was arguing for equal representation two seconds ago. What are you, Encyclopedia Brown? Chill out and try to stay current.) Take layups, for example: If you wander naively into the Finals thinking you’re going to win with layups, well don’t come crying to me when Kobe Bryant swats that lameass shit right back in your face. I know. I've been there.
So let's get right down to it: Big shots matter. It makes no difference when they happen, or who's leading at the time, or whether you're likely to make them against the Lakers, or any of that complicated nonsense. And we all know that the only real big shot is a three-pointer. So sure, Boston won more games than us, and scored more points, and made more baskets, and hit more free throws, and never tried to rewrite the rules after the fact. But we dominated them in three-point shooting, hitting 29 long ones to their 26 over the course of the series. Take this into account and it becomes apparent that we are by far the strongest competitor the Eastern Conference can field against the Lakers.
We again ask the league to consider all these facts and come to a fair solution. I’ll be holding a press conference at the Palace tonight, to which I’m inviting all Pistons season-ticket holders. I may announce our intention to drop out of the Eastern Conference Finals. Or I may not. But know one thing: If the media and league elites put the Celtics up against LA, they will lose, and we’ll be the first to say I told you so.
Just kidding. This is actually what happens when the frame rate of your camera exactly matches the rotation speed of the helicopter blades. Sorry to ruin the fun.
In the past, the Grand Theft Auto video game series has been highly critized for its violent and sexual themes. But thanks to Conan O'Brien, we get a glimpse as to how the nature of the game has been "toned down."
ESPN's Jeremy Schapp explores the psychology and intricacies of a real "Fight Club" taking place in one of the most unexpected places -- Silicon Valley.
A robot developed by roboticists at the University of Pennsylvania is made of modules that can recognise each other and can reassemble itself when destroyed.
Thankfully, this robot is still a long way from hunting down John and Sarah Connor.
Seeing as we are pretty much clear of winter here in Colorado, lets have a laugh at the expense of snowbound drivers that aren't us.
A snowstorm on the morning of Jan 16th 2007 left about 3-4 inches of snow and ice on the ground in Portland, Oregon. This is what happens to people with too much confidence in their 4WD and zero experience driving on a steep slope covered in icy snow.
An improv comedy troupe takes over a little league baseball game and turns it into a major league affair - complete with JumboTron, NBC baseball announcer Jim Gray and a visit from the Goodyear blimp. Click here for the complete story or watch the video below.
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